jeremiah 17:5

About a year ago, a friend of mine told me that if Jesus Christ himself came down and spoke to me, I would be offended by his words to me. This was in reference to a conversation we were having about how easily offended I am. This particular friend has offended me deeply a number of times . . . but to say that, and only that, is misleading. He isn't doing it by being rude or crass or anything like that. He offends me occasionally because he often tells me "hard truths" and I often am not ready to hear them. I think we can all agree that this is quite possibly the best kind of friend. It's probably like having a sponsor in AA: this person will listen to you yammer, and they'll sometimes say, "Wow, that must be really hard for you," but ultimately, they are going to tell it to you straight.

I was recently offended by this particular friend. In usual manner, he hit me with a bunch of difficult-to-swallow information, some of it certainly in the "hard truths" category. His timing was not great. It was really not great. It was awful. (If you can think of a realistic setting that would be the worst possible place and moment to have a difficult conversation, this was probably pretty close to what you've imagined.) But that is easily forgiven when someone is just trying to help you through a difficult time. The problem I had with it this time was that some of the information was true, but deep down, I strongly felt that some of it was not. And beside that, there was ultimately this quiet nagging in the back of my brain that said, "This conversation isn't actually about you. He's meddling in your life so that he can feel wise, and he's letting his own insecurities about being right and being taken seriously dictate the words and the harshness thereof. If he was actually being empathetic, you wouldn't even be having this conversation right now." The result was that now I simply don't think I can trust him.

Truth be told, maybe we really shouldn't trust anyone. Jeremiah 17:5 reads:
"Thus saith the Lord; Cursed be the man that trusteth in man, and maketh flesh his arm, and whose heart departeth from theLord."

A few nights ago, my boyfriend (of 4 years) and I split up. I was heartbroken by the loss, and since that time, I've thought a lot about the 5 stages of grief. I've been watching my inner self to see when each one pops up at random and then slowly ebbs, only to be replaced by one of the others. What I think I'm coming to realize is that I am not really that sorrowful about the demise of this particular phase of both the friendship or the relationship. New phases will come soon enough, bringing excitement and growth and new opportunities. What I'm *really* grieving here and what I've *really* lost is the naive security that comes from thinking I can safely trust someone else implicitly.

This particular loss marks a change in status and an initiation of sorts. I believe that we, as humans, want desperately to be able to trust someone. I think the most reassuring thing people can be told is, "Everything is going to be ok." Conversely, the scariest thing people can be told is, "No one is coming to save you." One brings hope and reassurance, the other renders despair and futility. Thus, by taking away my ability to trust my fellow man, this loss represents an opportunity for me to grow up and enter the wide world of true adults who are courageous and stand up confidently and fight their own battles whenever possible. Life's meaning can now come from a different kind of trust that rises - trite as it may sound - like a phoenix from the ashes: trust in God. This trust tells us that on an existential level, it's possible that someone IS coming to save us. However, on a day to day level, as a stronger, more confident person who does not naively trust in others, it now becomes acceptable for me to think, "No one is coming to save you, but everything is going to be ok."

I've thought a lot about whether or not I would be offended by Jesus. He certainly offended many people in his time, and he continues to do so, or so it would seem. It is true that I would likely have a very difficult time accepting a lot of the things that Our Lord might say to me. However, if I can actually develop the trust in Him that I would like to have, and if He can prove that He will come through for me, I don't believe I'll run into the problem I ultimately had with my other friend. And that gives me hope.