I don't like the idea that there is some deep, core part of me that is the *real* or *true* me and it is secretly in control of at least some aspect of everything I do, say, or think.
Maybe this is because I am fundamentally averse to the idea that I have a "fate" of some kind. The correlation here is that I also don't like being told that I "should" do something. And I definitely don't want to hear that I "have to" do this or that.
Ironically, it seems it is only by embracing our subconscious desires - accepting them and listening to our innermost selves tell us what it is that we really are - that we can have any hope of actually changing them and thus, in effect, changing our own essential natures. Until we do that, the subconscious is like a closet full of dynamite in a mansion we have spent our whole lives meticulously constructing.
Still, for some reason it is terrifying to find out what "really, truly" is. I find myself telling my subconscious, "If that is what I really want, I don't want to know." "If that is who I truly am, please don't tell me." "If that is what I think, that's fine. But I'm not actually ready to think it consciously." I hope I can acquire the strength to face the truth soon. It seems like these messages from ourselves never really go away, but only just lie in wait to resurface stronger and in ways which can reveal our deepest, darkest secrets to others, some of whom may not be worthy.
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